Wind of Change
by nefretiri
Summary: STILL ONGOING--The third installation on my series of SD fics. This time it's a non-yaoi RuHana! A traumatizing accident changed the way Rukawa sees the people around him. How does this affect Sakuragi?
1. Prologue

**A/N:**

Okaaaaay… I hope this goes well… a non-yaoi RuHana! Gyaaaaa! Okay, just to preview you… this is a prologue, I haven't had time to write the next chapter but the idea is solid in my head. What comes next is a changed Rukawa! How changed? Read and see…! Yes, he gets a pair… hohoho… Anyway, please R&R! Hope you like it… ^_^;;;

====================================================================================

His life had just fallen back into its right place, for the first time in a long time. He was beginning to feel oddly… happy. A feeling that had failed to grace him with its presence almost his whole life. And in a week he will be leaving for Hiroshima to join the many other basketball teams from all over Japan to compete in the National Inter-High Basketball Championship.

All right, so maybe there is one little thing that bugged Rukawa Kaede at his almost-perfect stage of life right now, that Sendoh Akira is now playing big brother on him. The nerve. But he could live with that, for now. Nothing could bug him at the peak of his world at the moment. Having his sister and mother back in his life had completely changed the person that Rukawa Kaede was. Even Sumire was quite astonished by the change. She and Sendoh had caught definite smiles surfacing on the boy's pale face once or twice when they sat at the dinner table talking. And yes, he definitely is more outspoken now even though his vocabulary still consisted mostly of "do'ahou"s, but it's definitely progress.

So why did this happen?

_Why!?_

Rukawa found himself shaking as he watched the girl sprawled motionlessly on the concrete. He didn't even know who she was, but he knew she was from Shohoku. 1st year? 2nd year? He doesn't know.

"Ru… Rukawa… -kun…"

His eyes widened as he heard her weak voice calling his name. Catching sight of the blood pool she was lying on, Rukawa's eyesight blurred and he felt dizzy.

Why did she do this, he doesn't know. The reason why anyone would do this at all for him just completely escapes his common sense. And he doesn't know whether he should be grateful that it wasn't him that was lying in that pool of blood, or whether he's better off there.

He had noticed that this girl had been following him from a distance ever since he left the Shohoku school grounds. Basketball practice had ended early that day. Rukawa remembered seeing her among the many girls that swamped the Shohoku gym at every practice time with their screams and squeals of admiration everytime he made a successful shot, and he could only wish that they would just go away and leave him alone.

Engrossed in his thoughts, he didn't see the car coming right at him as he stepped off the sidewalk towards the street. The next thing he knew was hearing a shriek screaming his name and the sound of screeching brakes.

Everything went in slow motion. His cobalt blue eyes suddenly caught a moving image of the car coming right at him, and he froze in shock, his mind drawing a complete blank. Just when he thought that his days are finished, suddenly he felt a force pushing him out of harm's way. He toppled towards the middle of the street, and heard the inevitable deafening sound that signifies impact between hard metal and soft flesh.

"Why…?" he found himself muttering inaudibly.

And as if she heard him say those words, she smiled a faint smile and locked her gaze upon her beloved Rukawa-kun, before her last breath finally left her mortal body, leaving Rukawa frozen at where he was while the automobile driver hovered in panic over him and the now dead girl.

Everything went by so fast. He didn't even remember anymore what sort of questions the police had asked him earlier. His name, his address, his school? Or perhaps his relationship with the victim who had saved his life? He didn't even remember what answer he gave. All he could feel right now is his palm had stiffened from the dried blood that had stained them as he helped the paramedics with her lifeless body.

Rukawa didn't go home to his father's house. He needed someone, and that someone was his sister, Sumire. But she wasn't home either, and neither was his mother who lived in that same house. Of all the times that house had to be empty, it had to be today. And so his steps had brought him down to the only other place he could go to right now.

The door to Sendoh Akira's house opened, and Sumire found herself looking at her blood-stained brother.

"Kaede!!!" she screamed upon seeing him. "Nan da yo! What happened!?" she exclaimed in panic as she instantly grabbed onto him at the sight of the blood on Rukawa's shirt.

He wanted to tell her everything, but no words seem to be able to escape his lips. So instead, he just stood there silently, looking at her with his deep cobalt eyes. 

She brought him in, and with a worried Sendoh, they both tended to him. Rukawa was just there, sitting silently while the two examined him from head to toe if there were actual open wounds on him that needed tending. It wasn't until awhile when they realized that the blood wasn't Rukawa's.

Sumire had helped him change into one of Sendoh's clean shirts which fitted him just perfectly. And now she just sat there in front of her still-silent brother, hoping that he would start telling her about what had just happened to him.

"I'll leave you two alone…" Sendoh said softly, and he kissed Sumire's cheek gently as he thoughtfully retreated, and giving Rukawa a brotherly pat on the shoulder before leaving the room.

And then there was utter silence again.

"Kaede…"

Rukawa finally looked at his sister. "She died… onee-san…" Rukawa mumbled. "She died…"

"Who? Who died?"

"Wakaranai yo!" he suddenly exclaimed as both his hands grasped onto his skull in frustration. "I don't know! I don't **know**!!!"

And instantly at that moment Sumire flung her motherly arms around her only brother and pulled him into her embrace. "Gomen ne, Kaede…" she said softly as she ran her fingers in his soft raven hair, calming him. "It's all right… daijoobu…"

_No, it's not all right, onee-san..._

_It will never be all right again._

_Ever._

====================================================================================

to be continued…


	2. The Day After

**A/N:**

Well this is certainly going slower that I thought it would! Gomen… got so distracted by Meteor Garden nyahahaha… hope you'll bear with me and my non-existent commitment to this ficcie… I just hope this won't turn out icky… X(

====================================================================================

Sakuragi opened his eyes lazily. The sun felt warm on his face. Every day now he woke up with this feeling of fatigue, not that anyone could blame him. He had undergone so much intensive training during the last three weeks. With his 20,000 jump shot training camp while the rest of the team was away at Josei High in Shizuoka, then their regular, even more intensive daily training back in Shohoku, and just a couple of days before today, the practice game against Shoyo and Ryonan.

His eyes widened as they caught sight of the alarm clock next to his bed. It says 11 AM.

"Shimatta!!!" Sakuragi yelled as he sprung up all of a sudden from his bed. "I'm late, I'm late, I'm laaaaaateeee!!!" he ranted as he stumbled across the untidy floor, stepping all over his dirty clothes that he hasn't taken out for his mom to launder in… weeks.

He scrambled upon the mountain of dirty clothes, trying to find something, and the room exploded into a bigger mess. But Sakuragi didn't care. All he is thinking about right now is to find his basketball shoes and rush to Shohoku's gym before Gori goes into stealth mode and decided to terminate him upon sight.

"Hanamichi, are you coming home for lunch today?" his mother's voice called out after him as he stumbled down the stairs towards the front door.

But Sakuragi didn't hear her question and had sprinted out the door. His mother smiled, and just shook her head in ridicule at her son's behavior. Although she is glad that he finally found something that he could be so passionate about. Something she had never seen occuring in him before.

* * *

"CHUU-SU!" Sakuragi yelled out as he screeched into the gym, only to find himself greeted by the echoes of an empty space. It was only then that he remembered Akagi saying yesterday that the basketball team could have a day off tomorrow, which is today. Something that had completely slipped his mind.

_Baka!_ Sakuragi cursed at himself. But then again, he knew that even if he had remembered that the basketball club had no practice today, he would've come to practice on his own anyway. And so he advanced to grab himself a basketball, and started doing his warm-ups.

It was most definitely a nice summer day. No Haruko-san at the gym today, but that's all right. She's been with him all through the weeks of his training camp, and with every day, he grows more and more fond of her. He realized now that without Haruko, all this would be meaningless as ever. 

One of these days… Yes, one of these days, he will tell her how he feels about her. All this overflowing emotions buried in his chest. One of these days. Soon.

And so he continued with his jump shoots.

First shot.

The ball didn't even come close enough to the ring.

Second shot.

This time, it went over the ring.

Sakuragi cringed everytime his shots missed. _Nanda yo… teme…_ He took a deep breath and tried to gather himself. Thinking about Haruko had definitely distracted him. _Rhythm… get the rhythm straight…_ He remembered Anzai-sensei's words.

Relax… 

_Bend your knees…_

_Narrow your right elbow… and…_

"Sakuragi-kun?" Haruko's voice startled him as his palms curved to make his shot. The ball flew high up in the air, and hit the ring's side, then bounced off to the floor.

Sakuragi turned around abruptly, forgetting instantly the fact that he had been upset for a nanosecond because he had missed that shot, and is now completely in glee because his favorite girl had showed up in front of him. "Haruko-san!!!" he beamed happily, his face turning red as he looked at her.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, walking towards him. "Didn't onii-chan gave everyone a day off today?"

"Aa… hai!" Sakuragi scratched his head sheepishly. "But I had nothing to do! So I thought… might as well come and practice again today!"

"Soo desu…" Haruko replied as her face grew grim all of a sudden. She picked up the ball that had rolled towards her feet, and held it in her palms as she looked at it with sad-looking eyes.

"Ano… Haruko-san…" Sakuragi started as he saw the look in her eyes. "Is something wrong? And why are you here today?"

She looked up at him, and her round clear eyes reflected such a painful look that completely wrenched him inside. He wanted to take her in his arms and made it all right for her. But, he couldn't. He wouldn't dare.

"Sakuragi-kun… have you, by any chance… seen… Rukawa-kun?"

His dream of comforting Haruko popped at the mention of the kitsune's name. His flaming red-head started to put his version of two and two together, and by now, the anger in his chest was about to explode. _How dare that kitsune saddened Haruko-san like this!_

"What did that baka kitsune do to you, Haruko-san?!" Sakuragi bellowed suddenly. "Don't worry, I'll make him pay for it!!! Just wait and see, yarou… Rukawa… I'll… I'll…" he cursed at first, but he suddenly stopped as he saw Haruko's face turning even sadder.

"Iiya yo, Sakuragi-kun!" Haruko exclaimed, stopping him. "It's not like that at all…" Haruko's voice grew softer. "Haven't you heard of what happened?"

Sakuragi shook his head, and listened intently. Now he got curious.

"This girl… Yamazaki-san… she's always so quiet in school…" Haruko started her story. "She got hit by a car yesterday… and died… but she saved Rukawa-kun's life…"

_Died? Someone would **die** for Rukawa? Nani!?_ The reason just completely escaped Sakuragi's logic. He couldn't understand why anyone would do that.

"And… I was just wondering… how Rukawa-kun is coping… with what happened…" she said again.

"Tscheh…" Sakuragi snorted all of a sudden. "That heartless kitsune? I'll bet that he's not affected at all. He's probably at home sleeping it off and…" But he promptly stopped his words as he saw Haruko's face turning… angry.

"Hidoi…" Haruko muttered softly. "Sakuragi-kun… hidoi desu yo…! How could you say such a thing about Rukawa-kun?! Why do you hate him so much? Why?!" she exclaimed with tears streaming across her face all of a sudden, and without waiting for any further reply from him, she dropped the ball onto the floor, turned around and ran out of the gym, leaving Sakuragi alone in the echoes of her angry words.

_Haruko-san…_

He just stood there, his eyes staring blankly into the now empty space.

_It's not that I hate that baka kitsune…_

_But you…_

_You seem to only have eyes for him. _

_Why?_

_Why won't you look at me at all?_

_What does Rukawa have that I don't?_

* * *

Rukawa stood in front of his locker silently. He knew that there was no practice today, but his feet seem to brought him there anyways. Perhaps he just needed the distraction from reality in which he always found in basketball. He had been unable to sleep a wink last night, even with his sister's presence by his side for the whole night.

_"The police called…" Sumire said earlier that morning. "They just called to tell you… that they've identified the girl."_

_Rukawa looked up at his sister at her words._

_"Her name is Yamazaki Mariko." She continued. "Maybe… just maybe… you would want to…"_

_"To what?" Rukawa snapped at Sumire's words as he stood up. "To pay my respects? Thank her family for saving me? Do'ahou…" Rukawa snorted in ridicule as he made his way out the door._

_"Wait!" she exclaimed. "Where are you going?"_

_"Out." He replied briefly, and slammed the door._

And so he was now here, alone. He just stood there, and the image of her lying on the concrete returned into his mind. It was that image that had haunted him for the whole sleepless night.

Rukawa slapped himself. Again. And again, and again. _Just forget about it, do'ahou!_ He scolded himself as his hands reached out to open his locker. As the door swung open, he found a mountain of pink envelopes, teddy bears and boxes of chocolates inside his locker. And his eyes widened as he caught sight on what was written on the front of one of the envelopes…

_"To Rukawa Kaede. From Yamazaki Mariko."_

He doesn't know how long that envelope had been sitting there, or how it got in there. Maybe she had put it in there that very same day, or maybe the day before, or even maybe a week before since that's pretty much how long he hasn't opened that locker. Rukawa would usually do his regular locker cleaning every week, in which he would open it, and just grab all the letters and gifts that had been showered by his "admirers" that had piled in it, and dump it straight into the trash without even looking or even glancing at them. 

_Why? Why do you keep haunting me?_

Frustrated, he grabbed that particular one in his hands and walked straight towards the trash but just as he was about to slam it straight into the bin, his trembling hand hesitated in midair, and slowly pulled back. He stared into the crumpled pink envelope for a moment, not knowing what exactly he was feeling looking at it. Not knowing what he should do with it.

But something in his heart moved him, and so he took a seat on the bench, and slowly opened the letter.

_Dear Rukawa-kun,_

_This is my twentieth letter to you. I don't know why I keep writing you these letters even though I know that you'll never read them. Maybe it's just something that I had to do, or I feel that I need to do._

_My friends say I'm the biggest dreamer in the world. Because I'm always dreaming of you. In my eyes there's always you. You are all I see in my world. Maybe you'll just think I'm crazy. Maybe I am crazy. I can't understand why I feel this way, but I know my feelings cannot be changed, not by anything._

_Rukawa-kun, I love you. With all my heart, I love you._

_If only I could just have one look from you, even just for a very short moment. Wishful thinking, I suppose. But just one look from you, and I'll be happy forever. But then again, it's just me, the dreamer, dreaming of the impossible._

_I don't care if you never speak to me, or even if you'll never know me at all. Just as long as you're there, being you, so that I can see you every day, that would be enough for me._

_Yours truly,_

_Yamazaki Mariko_

He paused for a moment, just staring blankly into the letter.

_Just one look from you, and I'll be happy forever._

And the image of that faint smile on her face just before she closed her eyes and left this world forever returned inside Rukawa's mind. Suddenly, a drop of water dripped onto the crumpled letter he was holding. It was a drop of tear from his cobalt eyes.

Surprised at himself, he wiped his eyes sheepishly. 

"Rukawa-kun?"

Surprised at the sudden presence of another around him, Rukawa looked up, finding himself looking straight at Haruko, who was standing at the doorway.

====================================================================================

to be continued…


	3. What Lies Beneath

**A/N:**

Helloooooooooo… heeeeere's the next chapter!!! I'm so sorry for being so slow… hope this doesn't suck to kingdom come! Haha… anyway, since I'm not going to be as fast in updating the chapters due to being swamped by work, you can put down your e-mails in the review section and I'll notify each one of you whenever I've uploaded a new chapter! Okay? Hope you enjoy this one! :)

====================================================================================

There had been a brief yet seemingly long silence that descended upon them in the locker room. For a moment there Rukawa didn't see Haruko. What he sees is Yamazaki Mariko standing at the doorway, and his eyes widened in surprise. His mouth opened, as though he was going to say something but… couldn't.

"Rukawa-kun…?" Haruko spoke again. "Daijobu?"

It was then that the image lifted away from Rukawa's eyes and sees who it was.

_Akagi Haruko…_

Yes, Rukawa knew her name. After all, they did attend the same junior high school. Yes, he was aware of that fact too. He also knew that she has feelings for him, it's just that he never really cared.

Until now.

In front of his eyes now was no longer the annoying girl that had trailed him all through junior high school until now. What he sees is a chance to make amends. A chance to make things right. Maybe, just maybe, she could make all this better for him.

"A… Akagi…" her name escaped his usually silent mouth softly. A surprised Haruko gasped as she heard him say her name. 

"Ru… Rukawa-kun…" Haruko stammered softly, wondering what she should say. She was still taken by surprise by the seemingly different Rukawa Kaede in front of her. "A… Ano…" Her face turned red as she lost her tongue completely.

But then Rukawa's face changed as Haruko stood there in her speechlessness. The icy coldness that had lifted away just before descended back upon his ice cobalt blue eyes. 

_Baka._

_She's annoying. She had always been annoying, and she will always be annoying._

Disappointed, he stood up silently and turned his back against her and went towards his locker.

"Rukawa-kun!" Haruko suddenly exclaimed.

Rukawa didn't even turn around to look at her. "Nanda?" he replied flatly.

"Ano… I… I just came to see… if you're all right…" she replied. "Are… are you all right, Rukawa-kun?"

_Bam!_

The locker door slammed itself shut with an echoing bang.

_Am I all right? Of course I'm not all right. Need you ask such a standard rhetorical question? Be more creative for god's sakes. Do'ahou…_

Rukawa snorted in ridicule at her words. He slung his bag across his shoulder and walked past Haruko. "It's none of your business." He replied coldly, and made his way out the door.

And then he was gone.

Haruko felt her eyes getting hot. The tears were welling up, blurring her vision. Rukawa's words were brief but harsh, and it wounded her gentle heart. She doesn't understand him. She can't understand him at all. 

_Why, Rukawa-kun?_

_Why do you hate me that much when I love you so much?_

_It hurts…_

But then Haruko's eyes caught sight of a crumpled piece of paper lying on the floor. She stepped towards it and picked it up. Upon reading its first line, her eyes widened as she remembered that she had caught Rukawa in the middle of reading the letter when she came in. She dashed out towards the hallway to return the letter to him, but what's there was nothing but an empty hallway.

He was gone.

* * *

"You'll never learn, won't you, Hanamichi?" Mito Yohei casually spoke to his best friend as he leaned against the railing facing the blue Pacific Ocean.

A startled Sakuragi looked up at his best friend's words. He had walked out of the Shohoku school compound with such a long face when he ran into Yohei, and being Sakuragi's best friend, it was only natural for Yohei to ask why he was wearing such a face. And here they are, having their little buddy-to-buddy chat. "What do you mean, Yohei?"

"Hanamichi, you're truly dense, aren't you?" Yohei couldn't help chuckling in amusement. Even after such long years of friendship, Sakuragi Hanamichi never ceases to amuse Yohei with his simplicity that could almost resemble… utter innocence.

"Nandato!" Sakuragi exclaimed, grabbing Yohei by his collar. "What is that supposed to mean?"

By now, Yohei was roaring with laughter between getting choked by Sakuragi's strong grip. "Maa maa, Sakuragi Hanamichi. Come now, let's not turn to violence, shall we?" Yohei grinned helplessly. "I will tell you something about Haruko-chan."

Instantly, Sakuragi released Yohei and stared with puppy-dog eyes. "Honto? Tell me, tell me!"

Yohei loosened his collar. "Haruko-chan is in love with Rukawa."

"TEMEEEE!" Sakuragi roared. "Are you trying to add more pain to my injury? Why don't you kill me already! You don't have to tell me, I already **know** that she likes that baka kitsune!!! Yarou… Yohei…"

"Hanamichi, I'm not finished."

Sakuragi paused for a moment, eyeing his best friend suspiciously. "This better be good."

"Haruko likes Rukawa. You, on the other hand, despises Rukawa. But you like Haruko-chan. Now imagine this, Hanamichi…" Yohei casually leaped up to sit on top of the railing. "How would you feel if you heard someone bad-mouthing Haruko-chan?"

Sakuragi blinked. _Bad-mouthing my Haruko-san? Why I'll… I'll…_

"Exactly." Yohei replied, as though he could read Sakuragi's mind. Actually, he didn't really have to for Sakuragi's thoughts were already written out loud on his face. "Maybe, just maybe… Haruko feels the same way as you do when you say something unpleasant about Rukawa?"

_Bong._

How this little simple logic could've escaped his own reasoning, Sakuragi does not know. He had always just been carefree, outspoken, and completely honest about his thoughts and he just never thought that his words and actions could ever displease Haruko.

"Nee… Yohei…" Sakuragi spoke again after a long period of silence.

"Hai?"

"What should I do then?"

* * *

Rukawa just stood there by the edge of the sidewalk. He's been standing there for hours now. It was the exact same spot where Yamazaki Mariko had saved him from what could have been a tragic, painful death that was meant to be his.

_Just as long as you're there…_

_… being you…_

_… that would be enough for me._

Rukawa took a deep breath as the words in the letter relived itself in his mind. As he closed his eyes, what came to his mind were the many girls he had hurt, purposely and unpurposely, throughout the course of his youth.

_I'm a horrible person._

He remembers the many tear-stained faces as he directly rejected their confessions of love with cold, harsh words, or the many times he would without hesitation disposed their gifts of love right in front of their very faces. He realized how many girls he had hurt all this time.

He could have all the girls in the world if he wanted them. But he didn't want them. Does he long to love and be loved? Yes, he does.

But he's afraid to love.

Ever since his mother and sister left him all alone, he had been afraid to love for fear of reliving the painful feeling of abandonment. So he became colder and more distant as he grew older, and the barrier he had put up to protect himself grew even so to separate himself from the world. And he hated himself for being that way.

_How can I love someone when I don't even love myself?_

He opened his eyes, and stared onto the empty street. Hesitantly, he stepped forward towards the dark asphalt. Then another step, and another, and another, until he was in the middle of the road. But then he stopped, and just stood there.

Then suddenly a brashy loud voice came into his mind. Sakuragi Hanamichi's voice yelling the 1001 names that he had made up just for Rukawa Kaede. He always thought that his red-headed teammate is a useless idiot when it comes to basketball, but he knew that underneath all that lies a good heart.

Rukawa also knew how much Sakuragi liked that girl who kept following him around, Akagi Haruko. Despite his silence and seemingly ignorant nature, Rukawa Kaede does pay attention to little details happening around him. It's just that he never made any comments or showed any signs that he cared, not even a little. Well, he really didn't care.

_Why does she like me? I'm a horrible person!_

_Why would anyone like me?_

Suddenly, his thoughts were interrupted by a loud honking by a car that had skidded to a stop right behind him.

"Are you crazy!?" The driver rolled down his window and poked his head out. "Are you trying to get yourself killed!?" he waved his fist in the air in annoyance.

But Rukawa didn't even bother to hear him, or reply to him. His mind was preoccupied by something that he needed to do. Something he needed to find out. And so he dashed off towards the sidewalk and disappeared at the corner of the street.

* * *

It was growing late. The sun had set for an hour. It was nearing 10 PM. Haruko walked slowly on the street that led to her house. She had parted with her friends just at the corner of the street after a long day of girl talk.

_"Haruko-chan… why do you keep hurting yourself like this? _

_Hasn't it been long enough?_

_You truly don't deserve all this… you deserve someone who will truly love you and appreciate you…"_

Haruko wondered if she should really continue to persevere on her unrequited undying adoration and infatuation that had blossomed since her very first year of junior high school. She's tired and hurt from the endless longing to catch even just a glimpse of a kind look from Rukawa's eyes. But never did he ever glanced at her, and even when he did, it was with eyes filled with nothing but icy coldness.

She sighed softly and closed her eyes. A drop of tear rolled down her rosy cheeks.

_But I can't… I can't help the way I feel…_

_Rukawa-kun…_

She opened her eyes and continued to walk towards her house. It was going to be a lonely night as her brother and her parents were not going to be home until the following morning. She sighed again at the thought. She really hoped that her brother would come home so that she won't have to spend the night alone with her thoughts.

Suddenly, she stopped her steps as she caught sight of someone sitting in front of her gate.

Rukawa looked up in the dim darkness. As their eyes met, Haruko was shocked into silence. But there was something different in Rukawa's eyes. The cold stare was no longer there. What was there was despair, like the eyes of a lost little child, longing to be embraced and to be told that everything will be all right.

_Doki… doki… doki…_

"Akagi…" Rukawa started to speak with a stammering voice.

"Ru… Rukawa-kun… What… what are you doing here?"

====================================================================================

to be continued…


End file.
